Loretta

I have a feeling that maybe I wouldn't have been so disconnected with my community.

I think it's because, generally my experiences, again you remember the negatives more than positives, and I'm sure I had definitely positive experiences. But because in my mind those negatives outweigh those positives, I definitely just kind of exclude myself from the community because of these certain stigmas. And I feel again it'll be more of a confidence in myself and then the way people do treat me. I think I would have been more comfortable being more, I guess more active in the Cambodian community if I was lighter skinned.

[...]

I think this is why I kind of separated myself from the Cambodian community. Because it was basically the stereotype that Cambodians were the ghetto Asians. We were the not-so-smart Asians. There weren't a lot of Cambodians particularly in my classes, in AP classes, and accelerated classes. So I definitely felt...Definitely now I realize what I did was stupid but I definitely sort of tried to separate myself from my Cambodian peers because of that sort of stereotype that we're the ghetto, dumb Asians. And at the same time, I feel the model minority still applied to me because even when I did well, my other White peers would be “of course you did well, you're Asian” So there's this sort of weird mix up of what do you expect. 

Read more

Asha

I went to H Mart and it was the beauty center and I was just buying the little eyebrow shavers because they had it there and they didn't have it at Target at the time. So I was gonna buy it and then I went up to the lady to purchase it and then they give free samples with the purchase, and bro, she had a lot of free samples, I'm gonna just say that right now. She had so many cute lipsticks, so many cute little makeup sample products, but she was kind of digging through them all because she looked at me like, “oh, I have the right thing for you.” And then she went in and, girl, she dug for it. She pulled out this mini kit. It was like a white bottle, white cream, in this little plastic bag and she's like “oh, here's your sample.” And I looked at it, but I was kind of like–I was a little stupid, I didn’t really know what it was, but something subconsciously told me, “don't use it.” I kind of saw it and I was like passing thought because I was into skincare at the time, but for some reason, something in my soul deep down was like do not use it. And I just kept it on my table untouched for years. And I'm telling you, it was like on my table untouched, collecting dust, and then one time when I was cleaning my room, I looked at it years past, older self now, and I was just like, “damn, this lady gave me a skin bleaching product.” I was just like, “what the f.”

–

I wouldn't necessarily change everything because I feel like the struggle that I've gone through in my own personal life has contributed to the person I am today and I'm very proud of who I am today. I wouldn't change what has already happened because I feel like it's a very necessary uncomfortable learning point. Not that it should have happened, not that racism should have happened but we learn from our history or at least I hope we would learn from our history. And what I would want to change is going forward just how we interact with each other, how we treat each other, destroy the notions in our mind that we've grown so comfortable with. Just do better going forward instead of trying to change what's previously been implemented into our past. I feel like that's the duty of every Khmer person, whether you're affected by colorism or not. You need to do your part in making sure that we don't repeat the past mistakes that we've made. It's people's lives that are on the line at some point like Khmer Angkor, they're just not as present as they used to be due to the treatment that they've received and it's just like they're dying out. That's happened because we were so neglectful as a country–not as a country, as a whole, as a community as a whole.

Read more

Ya

Yes, I do [think fair-skinned people are prettier than dark-skinned individuals]. Because light skin is pretty while dark skin is not pretty. Yes, I do think they’re pretty and rich. We (people with dark complexion) are not as pretty as them (people with light complexion). I always get made fun of and I never fit it wherever I go.

So then if you were lighter, do you think you would be smarter and richer than now?

I believe so. If I had money, I would make my skin white and I’d make a lot of money. If my skin my white, I’d make more money. I’d get paid more. [I’d get hired more often with] all kinds of jobs. [People my skin color] work at people’s houses as maids. They stay with their employers, do their dishes, clean the house, stuff like that. 

What about those darker than you?

I haven’t seen a lot of them.

What about those lighter than you?

They work at restaurants. People who are literate get good jobs.

If you could have the job that you wanted, like a dream job, what kind of job would it be?

Working at a factory [but] they (hirers) don’t fancy me. They only want pretty people. I’m fat…Too fat, too dark…

How would your life change if you were lighter? How different would your family treat you?

If I was pretty, I would change. My life would be better. [My family] thinks I’m dark, ugly and fat. The lighter, the prettier. [My siblings] would think I’m pretty. Yes, [our relationship] would be better. If I was light and pretty, socializing would be easier. [My relationship with men] would improve. They’d give me compliments. They’d love me. They’d take care of me and give me compliments. [My ex-husband] wasn’t keen on me because of my dark skin.

Read more